The Courage To Change What You Can

By Penny | May 20, 2008



Often times we find that we are unhappy with certain aspects of our lives, our selves, our work, or other things. Most people will be unhappy with these things, but will never change them. Why? Because change can be an extremely hard thing to try and consciously make happen. Finding the courage to do so can be scary, and a lot of the time, people would rather remain the same than face the frightening prospect of change.

People are habitual, and coming out of our comfort zone to change those habits can make us feel vulnerable or scared, and this is perfectly normal. Being scared is just a part of the process of change, however, facing something and dealing with it in spite of the fear is the very definition of courage.

Why are you seeking change?

Are you unhappy in your current situation? Are there habits that you need to change? For these questions, it becomes necessary to step back and look at ourselves. We have to be our own critic. Take a good, long look at yourself and ask a few questions. It can be difficult to ask these questions, and sometimes we would rather look at the surface of the water than stir it up with a stick and see what’s really in there.

However, this is something we must do if we want to be truly happy. Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself:
Am I happy with the way things are?
If I could change something about my life, what would I change?
In what areas do I feel as though I need to grow?

If you have answered these questions, and feel you truly need a change, you have accomplished a truly difficult thing. It can be hard to admit that we need to change, and when we know that we do, our battle is already half over. The next step is just to decide what to do about it.

Think of your life as a flower bed. You can grow some really beautiful and breathtaking flowers in your life, but you must be willing to pull out the weeds, water the dry areas, and face the sun. When you are willing to do the work it takes to change your life, you will be rewarded with a garden of colorful flowers.

What you can change and what you can’t.

There are things in our lives that we simply can’t change. For these things, dealing with them can sometimes be harder than changing ourselves, because we have to learn to accept them. Accepting things that we aren’t necessarily happy with can be difficult. It will probably frustrate you or make you angry, however, there is a need to accept the things that we cannot change. Often times, things will happen which are beyond our control, and as much as we want to fix it or change it, we just can’t. This is when we see what we are made of. To indulge in self-pity is to admit defeat.

Let’s look at things this way. There’s a big storm outside. It’s raining, the wind is blowing, and the thunder and lightening are ferocious. What if a huge limb falls on the roof and gouges a hole? Your roof starts leaking, and water is dripping onto the floor. Now, you didn’t choose for the limb to knock a hole in your roof, and you can’t go back and change it. Are you going to lay there on the floor and scream about the hole, or are you going to put a bucket under the hole to catch the rain? Are you going to live with that bucket in the middle of the floor, or are you going to wait the rain out, and get up there and repair that roof?

You can’t change what has happened, but you can do what you must and go on. This is accepting what you can’t change. You could have laid there on the floor and screamed, but you didn’t, or at least not for very long. You got up and did what had to be done.

This is what accepting is all about. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it can be done. Granted, the things that you often must accept in your life are a lot more important than a leaking roof, but the idea is the same. You pick yourself up, do what you have to do, accept it and go on. You do have to courage and the power to do this. You just have to reach down deep and pull it up out of yourself.

Finding the courage to change.

Finding the courage to change what you must is a hard thing to do. Most of the time the things that we need to change have strong emotions tied to them. It will probably hurt, and it might make you angry, but nevertheless, if you want to change, you have to dive in and do it. This can be made easier with some kind of support system.

Friends, family, a group or organization. Everyone needs support, and talking with people about your issues can make you feel a whole lot better. You may even find someone who has been through the same thing. Talking with someone who has been there can make things easier. You can see first hand people who have had to find the courage themselves to change things. They may even be able to offer advice or tell you something that will help you out.

When we endeavor into new things, no matter what they might be, it will be easier if we have someone there to talk to, someone who understands or who is just willing to listen. Try finding a support group related to your problems. This can sometimes be even more helpful than friends or family, because the people in the group will have an outside view. They will be concerned with what is best for you, and won’t be influenced by inside issues. Finding the courage to change is hard, but you can do it.

The rewards of changing.

As humans, we must have the power to make things in our lives grow, to find new things to grow, and to be able to destroy the things that aren’t growing. It’s just a part of life. Think about it like this. A plant will waste energy giving life to a dead stem or flower. This energy goes nowhere, because the flower is already dead, and it’s not coming back. However, when we pull off the dead flower or stem, the plant won’t send nutrients and energy there, it will focus on the living parts. The plant will flourish because the energy is focused in the right areas. It’s like this for humans too.

If we change what we don’t want, although it is hard, we will flourish. You will be happier, with the stagnant things in your life gone, the bad habits gone, and the change completed. You will be stronger, and you will know that you do have what it takes to make yourself a happier life. You will have accomplished something difficult, and you will be proud. There are rewards to changing, although we may not see them right away. They are there, however, and they are easier to see after we have changed for the better.

This is a hard thing to look at, to accomplish, and to take on. But you can do it. You have the power to create a better, happier you, and you can rely on yourself. No one else has the power, or the comittment to do it for you. Decide what you want, accept what can’t be changed, and change what can for the better. Grow those beautiful flowers. Good Luck!

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development

Topics: 100 Ways To Be Happy | No Comments »

Learning About Atypical Depression

By Penny | May 13, 2008



Many people do not realize just how many different types of depression there are, and atypical depression is one of the most common. Atypical depression is considered as being a type of major depression which tends to cause greater functional impairment than other forms of depression, and it also usually tends to occur earlier in life than most other forms of depression.

Patients who suffer from atypical depression are more likely to suffer from other mental illnesses as well, including social phobia, avoidant personality disorder, or body dysmorphic disorder, for instance. Although it is not yet entirely clear as to how atypical depression responds to treatment as compared with melancholic depression, some studies have suggested that an older class of drugs, MAOIs, may be more effective at treating atypical depression than the more modern types.

Symptoms

Recognizing the signs and symptoms of the disease is the first step to determining whether or not you are a sufferer, and the most commonly experienced symptoms include: increased appetite with weight gain of 10 lbs or more when depressed, hypersomnia (excessive sleep) of 10 hours a day or more or 2 hours more sleep than the usual amount of sleep when not depressed, heavy or leaden feeling in arms and legs, and longstanding pattern of interpersonal rejection sensitivity which is not limited to episodes of depression.

Treatment

If you find out that you do in fact suffer from this type of depression, than there are basically a few different forms of treatment in particular that you can opt to go with. Once your doctor has professionally diagnosed you with this ailment, you will have the option of taking antidepressants to control the symptoms, and it is important to note that while antidepressants are often the first line of treatment, there are many safe alternatives to most types of depression.

You should, if interested, discuss natural alternatives with doctor, such as Deprex, for instance, before using prescription medications, most of which have potentially serious and even life-threatening side effects.

One of the most important things of all to remember is that even if you are diagnosed with this type of depression that there is help out there for you, and that with the proper treatment and a bit of time, you will be able to feel better, even thought it may not seem that way at the time. Keep your head up and try to stay as positive as possible, and know that there are choices out there that are going to be able to help you.

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Connection Between Anxiety and Depression

By Penny | May 6, 2008



Although at first thought most people would not necessary believe that there was a connection between the ailments of anxiety and depression, there actually is, and an incredibly large and significant one at that.

Anxiety and depression are two health problems which basically go hand in hand, and there are many reasons for this.

About Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and depression can both really put a damper on your life, and because they are usually interrelated, this can result in being an even larger problem. When these two are diagnosed at the same time, the cause is usually some form of trauma that took place in the person’s life, and the anxiety and depression are two side effects that came as a result.

Anxiety and depression can both cause a person to not want to leave their house, and as well they can result in significant weight loss or gain, either of which can be incredibly detrimental to a person’s overall health and well-being. Treatment There are many forms of treatment which are offered for these types of problems however, and if you have depression or anxiety or both, then you might find that your doctor will prescribe you a regular dose of exercise in addition to medication or physiotherapy.

Although exercise can not be a sole cure for either of these problems, its psychological and physical benefits can absolutely improve the symptoms. After all, exercise has long been touted as being a great way to maintain physical fitness and help prevent high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, and other diseases, and not only that but as well a growing volume of research shows that exercise can also help to improve symptoms of certain mental conditions, such as depression and anxiety for instance.

Research suggests that generally it may take about 30 minutes of exercise or more a day for at least three to five times a week in order to be able to notice any significant improvements in the anxiety or depression, however smaller amounts of activity have also been shown to make smaller improvements in the short-term of things.

It is thought that exercise works to help depression and anxiety because it positively affects the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain, and it also may help to boost feel-good endorphins, release tension in the muscles, help you to sleep better and reduce the levels of stress hormone cortisol, and as well it helps to increase body temperature, which may have calming affects all on its own.

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The Dangers Of Agitated Depression

By Penny | April 29, 2008



Depression is a disorder that can affect different people in different ways, and while most people seem to associate this disorder with feelings of sadness or withdrawing, there are different sorts of depression that exist. One of the ways that depression might manifest itself differently is when a person also is suffering from symptoms of anxiety, creating a condition that is known as agitated depression. It is important to know the signs of agitated depression, since it is considered to a be a potentially dangerous form of this disorder.

Mixing Problems

Though depression does most often manifest itself as sadness, a desire to withdraw, and other such feelings, the feeling of panic is what makes for conditions of agitated depression. These symptoms are often very uncomfortable for the sufferer, since it often includes feelings of restlessness, such as the inability to sit still or the need to pace. So while in typical depression, people tend to almost slow down, the result in agitated depression is the opposite.

The Suicide Problem

One of the most dangerous problems associated with agitated depression is that there is a higher risk of suicide. While experiencing depression along with feelings of anxiety, the body tends to put forth more of the hormones that cause people to physically feel stress, which in turn can cause people to want to act out to end their suffering. This is one reason why if you know someone with this disorder, you should be sure that they’re getting some help for their problem.

Similarities To Male Depression

In many ways, agitated depression is very similar to male depression. In many males, depression is marked by a sense of irritability, restlessness, and anger, which resembles agitated depression in many ways. Part of this can be attributed to the sense of stress that some men feel at their depression, feeling that it’s not manly to have such feelings. Those feelings cause a sort of anxiety, which then works with the depression to create symptoms similar to agitated depression.

Treating The Disorder

The good news is that treatments of agitated depression are similar to the treatments of both depression and anxiety disorders, and because it’s often common for anxiety and depression to exist alongside each other, doctors are used to treating it. Most of the standard treatments, such as lifestyle changes and medication apply. However, the problem with agitated depression is that it often makes it harder for that depression to go into remission, which results in a longer treatment period. So if you do know someone suffering from signs of agitated depression, it’s a good idea to get them to help so they can start the road to remission as soon as possible.

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Living in the Here and Now

By Penny | April 22, 2008



We get so busy and often end up postponing doing what we want till somehow conditions would be aligned correctly. Yet our health, finances and relationships are never usually all perfect at same time- often one or more of these situations is problematical so we feel we have to “wait” a little longer. But will that “perfect time” come or do we just need to act even when things are imperfect?

We often are waiting on something and feel in a holding position from being in the moment fully. Here are two common situations that often make us postponing living. You may be waiting for the results from the lab after your doctor’s appointment. The boss is supposed to get back to you about your proposal for a project you recently submitted. 

Instead of putting your life on hold while you are waiting for situations to resolve, try to have a full experience anyway! Sometimes we wait for our vacations to hear the birds, take out our bicycle or cook a gourmet dinner from scratch. Once we accept that conditions aren’t perfect, it makes being in the moment and being present to our lives much more invigorating. We cheat ourselves by waiting to only live during vacation times at our maximum. Most people live near a park or can have an outdoors experience without even taking a vacation. Try to give yourself an experience that is near your home and the listen to the sounds and see the vegetation around you. This is good practice for getting yourself out of postponement mode.

Living this way expands your vacation time beyond the two or three weeks a year. It’s said by many people, we take our minds with us, so if we can’t vacate our minds of our concerns, we won’t enjoy our vacations fully anyway. Each time you can take a break and enjoy yourself you are training your mind to let go of your concerns and experience what is around you, rather than live in waiting and anticipation for the situation to resolve to live. 

Topics: Daily Spirituality, Self Improvement | No Comments »

How to Stop Blaming Others?

By Penny | April 15, 2008



“He said he’d be at the game and never showed up.” ” She left out the milk again and now it’s all spoiled.” “They didn’t call back so we left without them and now they are mad.” 

Just like a ball rolls down hill due to gravity , we tend to blame others rather than look at ourselves. After all, he didn’t call back or she did forget to do what she said she’d do etc etc. Still, this leaves out other factors such as whether or not our reaction is justified. Could our original demands have been unreasonable or can we also be partially (or entirely) at fault. 

For instance, if there is anger because our significant other didn’t call us a few times during the day at work, is that demand that they call us during a busy work day necessarily “objective”? We feel inside that all our requests to others are reasonable and fair, but perhaps they aren’t or do not accord with the other person’s point of view. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us to examine our anger with awareness like “taking a little brother by the hand.” You wouldn’t tug and pull him hard.

You can use your anger instead to destroy your own delusions or assumptions. There is a force within anger, so why not channel it to work for you instead of against you? This does not mean you should blame yourself or be angry with yourself. It means to increase your determination to wipe out the tendencies that make you fall into these levels of resentment. 

Also if you can slow down the moments when you want to blame someone, you can become a detective and look at what you are reacting to. Give thanks (internally) to that person being able to get a reaction out of you. This is a way to do some reverse engineering on your issues. It doesn’t mean that the other
person was in the right, it just means that your strong reaction can be a clue into your own mind. 

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Debt Diet

By Penny | April 3, 2008



I’ve come to the conclusion I need to go on a debt diet.  I have been all fired up to go on an expensive overseas trip when reality hit me between the eyes.  I have $22k of credit card debt and I’d be going into more debt to pay for the trip.  Not a smart idea, huh?

One of my favourite websites is www.daveramsey.com.  It’s a site about getting out of debt and getting savvy with your personal finances.  I like the stories from people who used Dave’s method to get out of debt.

Dave’s method is to basically never, ever, ever use a credit card again.

First, you save an emergency savings fund of $1000.  You only use this for real emergencies, not emergency shoes. 

You need to look at all your debts and write them down.  Just say you have 5 credit card balances that need paying off.  You pay the minimum on four of the cards and on the card with the lowest balance, you pay a bit extra - however much you can afford, but get real about it.  Dave would advise you to sell your ‘toys’ like motor cycles, boats, appliances like the 2nd and 3rd television sets and to start selling things on eBay or have a garage sale to get rid of everything you don’t absolutely need and to then use that money to pay down your debt.

Once you have that smallest balance paid off, you apply the money you had been paying on it to the next smallest debt.  Keep paying the minimum balances on the other three cards.  Repeat the process until all cards are paid down.

Some people say you should pay the card with the highest interest rate first.  I think it’s a matter of personal choice but for me the satisfaction of knocking off the small balances quickly outweighs the few hundred dollars I’d save in interest over the period as my interest rates are all pretty much the same.  As it happens, the card with the highest interest rate (17.95%) is als the smallest balance (about $1200).

So what I plan to do is to keep a log of my credit card balances and post here each month and tell you what I paid on the debt and we can all watch the balance come down.

My goal for the remainder of the year is to pay off $15,000 in debt.  I don’t know if I will make it, but I’ll give it a good go.
 

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A Room of My Own

By Penny | April 1, 2008



For some time now I have been running classes, facilitiating workshops and seeing clients for individual sessions.  I also still work in a day job.

It is my dream to have my own workshop space where I can teach and work from. I have been renting space from centres and the like, but it’s not the same as being in my own space. 

I am thinking that I could rent it out on the days that I don’t use it, which would give someone the use of the space M-F.  I wuold use it on weekends and some evenings.

This is what I want to manifest:

My plan is to sub-let it to others for a day or half day to people such as:

Anyone nice, really.  Just say the space was $250 a week plus outoings, I could rent it for $50 a day.  A lot of rents are very steep.  I pay $90 for a half day now.  So 5 days at $50 a day is very reasonable and I would still have evenings and weekends to do my own thing.  Plus I’d run it properly as a business so it wouldn’t cost me that much to run.  I could also have someone else there doing readings.

Wow, put like that, it really does seem like I have a feasible business.

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What Do You Want To Improve About Yourself?

By Penny | April 1, 2008



Life is stagnant without growth and that is true for personal development as well. We feel a resistance to changing our patterns, but sometimes we can see strong benefits for personal
improvement and that is an excellent motivation. 

For instance, you may feel that you can use some help with your communication skills. This can be related to presentations at work or being more articulate. Toastmasters is a wonderful group to assist you with this process. You can often find that there are members of your family hapy to hear you practice a presentation the night before. People like to give feedback.

If you feel your weakness in communication is in your interpersonal relationships, then that area can be improved by practice plus utilizing some counseling to work out what the
issues are behind it. For some people they lack confidence in what they say and by working on their underlying insecurities the inner strength will develop. If you have anger stored up inside
you that gets in the way of a calm discussion , this can be transcended by insight, practice and new habits . If your family of origin had trouble expressing feelings this will also be a new
skill to develop as you had no models when you were a child to copy.

Other areas that people want to improve include personal grooming, ambition, time management, goal setting, relationships with others and leadership skills. All these can be worked on through practice and discipline.

Going from point a to point b is a challenge, but there are many ways to get there. Continuing education classes, online courses, personal mentoring and counseling are all options to assist one change patterns that seem to be holding one back. What helps in this process is having the motivation to reach point b. How do you get that? Taking a break three or four times each day to really visualize the new you that you envision helps plant these seeds and gets you through the tough parts just as putting a picture of your ideal weight on the fridge is a boost for those
wishing to acheive weight loss.

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Can You Multitask? More importantly, Should You Even Try?

By Penny | March 25, 2008



Our culture values multitasking, but many people are not able to do this. Perhaps multitasking is over-rated. When you watch a teenager doing homework, having several IM windows opened, using a cell phone and clicking at war of warcraft does it look productive? Perhaps this is why many students do homework from 3-10 pm daily that could be done from 3-5 if there were no other tasks done simultaneously.

Aside from questions of productivity, there are also questions about the quality of the attention. If you are answering e-mails while you are having a conversation, how good are the listening skills and attention you have in the conversation? Also how do you feel when you are multitasking? Do you feel split and stretched? Is it a peaceful feeling or one of being pulled in a few directions at once?

Psychologically, the simplicity of concentrating on one thing is satisfying and it seems more natural. Do you need to do all the things you are multitasking? What is really important to get accomplished? If you have homework, do you need to play world of warcraft? If you are watching your son playing soccer, do you need to do meal planning for the week and read the newspaper at same time? Are we really getting three things done at once when we multi-task or are we not experiencing anything fully?

Take one day and do one thing at a time and see how effective this is . Psychologically it is very restful to finish something rather than juggle several things at once. Look at your own state and compare how you feel inside and compare the outcomes. It makes sense to listen to the radio when driving but most of us are doing several things at the same time that each require a certain type of concentration and care. Does that really work? Are we saving time or are we losing being in the moment and sacrificing something far more precious?

Topics: Self Improvement | No Comments »

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